Rod Hairston Biography
The man Rod Hairston is today is, by his own admission, a far cry from the man he almost became. When his mother discovered she was pregnant with her second child at age 16, she was told by a friend she should abort the baby. But Rod’s mother emphatically said no because, she said, “he is going to be a mouthpiece for God.”
Raised in housing projects, Rod watched men physically and verbally abuse women day after day. And it made a deep impression on him.
“I watched men all around me treat women with disdain — even in my own family,” says Rod. “I made a promise to myself early in life that I would never leave my wife and family because I understood the pain of having an absent father. I never even met my father until I was 24 years old. When I was a child, I became very protective of my mother. I share in my book, Cover Her, how I made a pipe with some black tape and gave it to her and said, ‘if anybody breaks in, you use this.’ She still has it to this day.”
Rod’s mother made the courageous decision to raise her two boys alone, eventually graduating from high school, and later embarking on a successful real estate career for herself. Rod’s grandfather was his greatest influence, but after his death when Rod was only eight years old, Rod began to question what death and life truly meant. After watching the ball drop on television one New Year’s Eve, Rod made the decision that the next Sunday he would give his life to Jesus at the tender age of 11.
As his teen years began, Rod fell into bad patterns of drug use, drinking, and casual sexual encounters, mimicking family relatives who he watched do the same. But at 17, he rededicated his life to Christ, and later found Godly mentors in college that helped him find his ultimate calling as a minister. He recommitted himself to a life of sexual purity, praying a very specific prayer.
Raised in housing projects, Rod watched men physically and verbally abuse women day after day. And it made a deep impression on him.
“I watched men all around me treat women with disdain — even in my own family,” says Rod. “I made a promise to myself early in life that I would never leave my wife and family because I understood the pain of having an absent father. I never even met my father until I was 24 years old. When I was a child, I became very protective of my mother. I share in my book, Cover Her, how I made a pipe with some black tape and gave it to her and said, ‘if anybody breaks in, you use this.’ She still has it to this day.”
Rod’s mother made the courageous decision to raise her two boys alone, eventually graduating from high school, and later embarking on a successful real estate career for herself. Rod’s grandfather was his greatest influence, but after his death when Rod was only eight years old, Rod began to question what death and life truly meant. After watching the ball drop on television one New Year’s Eve, Rod made the decision that the next Sunday he would give his life to Jesus at the tender age of 11.
As his teen years began, Rod fell into bad patterns of drug use, drinking, and casual sexual encounters, mimicking family relatives who he watched do the same. But at 17, he rededicated his life to Christ, and later found Godly mentors in college that helped him find his ultimate calling as a minister. He recommitted himself to a life of sexual purity, praying a very specific prayer.
The Hairston family
“I said, ‘God, I don’t want a wife until I become the man you want me to be.’” says Rod. “I even broke off a relationship that was taking me in the wrong direction, and just waited on God. I was planning on attending a Why Wait? Conference with Josh McDowell, and I felt God saying, ‘You have permission to date platonically.’ It was there that I met my wife. She was incredibly warm and caring. I asked her out and she actually had to ask permission from her leader to go out with me! It was the best date I ever had, and she has been my wife for over 28 years today.”
Rod began serving with Campus Crusades for Christ and Athletes in Action, honing his speaking skills and learning from mentors like Charles Gilmer and James White. He was asked by a friend who was chaplain for the Carolina Panthers if he might be interested in ministering to professional football players. Eventually, he started working with the Baltimore Ravens, holding chapels every week and putting together bible studies for the players, coaches, and team management. He eventually became the first salaried full-time chaplain in the NFL.
“The NFL teaches men how to be athletically excellent,” says Rod, “but I tried to teach the men to look at themselves holistically, as not just physical, but emotional, relational, rational, and spiritual beings. Few people know that 75% of men leave the NFL bankrupt and divorced. The average player is in the NFL for only three years. I wanted these athletes to understand that physical talent was not enough; that when their talent is gone, so are the accolades. I wanted to give them purpose beyond football so that they could build quality lives with their families well beyond their NFL careers.”
With his latest book, Cover Him: Caring for the Hidden Needs, Thoughts, and Feelings of the Man You Love, Rod hopes that he can offer women some important insights into the inner world of men. He even offered his own mother some advice after she remarried once her boys were grown.
“My mom had not been married for so long, she needed a little coaching now and then,” laughs Rod. “So I would say, ‘Mom, you can’t talk to him like that. Talk to him like this.’ She would listen and take it to heart. But in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, ‘Well, at least she still has that pipe.’”
Rod began serving with Campus Crusades for Christ and Athletes in Action, honing his speaking skills and learning from mentors like Charles Gilmer and James White. He was asked by a friend who was chaplain for the Carolina Panthers if he might be interested in ministering to professional football players. Eventually, he started working with the Baltimore Ravens, holding chapels every week and putting together bible studies for the players, coaches, and team management. He eventually became the first salaried full-time chaplain in the NFL.
“The NFL teaches men how to be athletically excellent,” says Rod, “but I tried to teach the men to look at themselves holistically, as not just physical, but emotional, relational, rational, and spiritual beings. Few people know that 75% of men leave the NFL bankrupt and divorced. The average player is in the NFL for only three years. I wanted these athletes to understand that physical talent was not enough; that when their talent is gone, so are the accolades. I wanted to give them purpose beyond football so that they could build quality lives with their families well beyond their NFL careers.”
With his latest book, Cover Him: Caring for the Hidden Needs, Thoughts, and Feelings of the Man You Love, Rod hopes that he can offer women some important insights into the inner world of men. He even offered his own mother some advice after she remarried once her boys were grown.
“My mom had not been married for so long, she needed a little coaching now and then,” laughs Rod. “So I would say, ‘Mom, you can’t talk to him like that. Talk to him like this.’ She would listen and take it to heart. But in the back of my mind, I’m thinking, ‘Well, at least she still has that pipe.’”
Q&A with Rod Hairston
Author of "Cover Him: Caring for the Hidden Needs, Thoughts and Feelings of the Man You Love"
Q: You talk about how you hesitated to write "Cover Him" because of the #MeToo movement. Please explain.
A: Watching the #MeToo movement begin to take shape around the country was actually very encouraging for me. Finally, the painful stigmas that many women have carried for so long, having suffered sexual abuses of every kind, were being broken. Women were (are) gaining the courage to tell their #MeToo stories and casting off the shame with which they were so unjustly saddled. I wrote my first book, Cover Her, as a call to men to change our aggressive, consuming postures toward women. Rather than consume women, we were made to cover them. I wondered if Cover Him might be bad timing — i.e. insensitive to the pain women were beginning to expose and express. I didn’t want the message to be misunderstood as a chauvinistic one.
Q: You were the chaplain for the Baltimore Ravens football team for over 14 years. How did that experience help you gain more insights into men's needs?
A: There is no environment like an NFL locker room or sideline. My days working in the Ravens’ training facility was a tremendous learning experience — an education in itself. I saw men who had the hearts of tender warriors; they were compassionate toward the down and downtrodden. They cared deeply for those who suffered the ravages of poverty, serving weekly to make other peoples’ lives a little better. They used their platforms to lift others. But I also witnessed men who were absorbed in their work to the detriment of their marriages and families. I saw men mask their pain with sex, drugs, and other addictions. I saw men, who enjoyed lots of resources, but who were uncertain and sometimes undiscerning about whom they could trust. I saw men lament friends, agents, and women who took advantage of them. I saw men swimming in insecurities that professional football and all its acclaim could not remedy. And I saw men transformed by the power of Christ to become humble servants, great dads, committed husbands, and fierce competitors. The chaplaincy experience gave me insights into men, because we were all learning together, under the extraordinary pressures of life and competition. It was almost like a live lab experience. Every day presented a new challenge that forced me to learn, pray, think, explore, fail and grow. I wanted to do all I could to build up, encourage, and challenge the men to be their best, so I had to be a learner.
Q: You list many concepts in the book that help women understand men better. Are there one or two of these ideas that you find most women simply don't know or overlook?
A: Affirmation is a big one. Many women don’t recognize the significance of their words, support for, and encouragement of a man. Many assume he doesn’t need affirmation because he’s a man. Everybody needs affirmation! When a man lacks affirmation, insecurity and resentment flourish. Both of those damage the marriage relationship. Another one is listening to him — i.e. giving a man room to express himself verbally and emotionally. Men need to know that their words matter to the women who love them. When a man can’t get a word in edgewise or when his words seem to have no weight, he will go silent or turn to someone else who is willing to listen. And of course that creates other problems.
A: Watching the #MeToo movement begin to take shape around the country was actually very encouraging for me. Finally, the painful stigmas that many women have carried for so long, having suffered sexual abuses of every kind, were being broken. Women were (are) gaining the courage to tell their #MeToo stories and casting off the shame with which they were so unjustly saddled. I wrote my first book, Cover Her, as a call to men to change our aggressive, consuming postures toward women. Rather than consume women, we were made to cover them. I wondered if Cover Him might be bad timing — i.e. insensitive to the pain women were beginning to expose and express. I didn’t want the message to be misunderstood as a chauvinistic one.
Q: You were the chaplain for the Baltimore Ravens football team for over 14 years. How did that experience help you gain more insights into men's needs?
A: There is no environment like an NFL locker room or sideline. My days working in the Ravens’ training facility was a tremendous learning experience — an education in itself. I saw men who had the hearts of tender warriors; they were compassionate toward the down and downtrodden. They cared deeply for those who suffered the ravages of poverty, serving weekly to make other peoples’ lives a little better. They used their platforms to lift others. But I also witnessed men who were absorbed in their work to the detriment of their marriages and families. I saw men mask their pain with sex, drugs, and other addictions. I saw men, who enjoyed lots of resources, but who were uncertain and sometimes undiscerning about whom they could trust. I saw men lament friends, agents, and women who took advantage of them. I saw men swimming in insecurities that professional football and all its acclaim could not remedy. And I saw men transformed by the power of Christ to become humble servants, great dads, committed husbands, and fierce competitors. The chaplaincy experience gave me insights into men, because we were all learning together, under the extraordinary pressures of life and competition. It was almost like a live lab experience. Every day presented a new challenge that forced me to learn, pray, think, explore, fail and grow. I wanted to do all I could to build up, encourage, and challenge the men to be their best, so I had to be a learner.
Q: You list many concepts in the book that help women understand men better. Are there one or two of these ideas that you find most women simply don't know or overlook?
A: Affirmation is a big one. Many women don’t recognize the significance of their words, support for, and encouragement of a man. Many assume he doesn’t need affirmation because he’s a man. Everybody needs affirmation! When a man lacks affirmation, insecurity and resentment flourish. Both of those damage the marriage relationship. Another one is listening to him — i.e. giving a man room to express himself verbally and emotionally. Men need to know that their words matter to the women who love them. When a man can’t get a word in edgewise or when his words seem to have no weight, he will go silent or turn to someone else who is willing to listen. And of course that creates other problems.
Q: In one of the chapters, you say women should prioritize their husbands and kids should come second. That's sometimes difficult for mothers to hear. Why is that important?
A: As a father of four adult children and a husband of 28 years to my wife, Sheri, we always practiced putting each other’s needs before the kids. We never wanted each other to feel neglected. The kids, as youngsters and now as adults, are a welcome addition to the family. They’re super important. But God’s biblical principles for marriage consistently point to the husband and wife as the first priority. We’ve found that keeping each other as the priority actually fueled our children’s confidence and made home always feel like a safe place. It also made it clear that they could not divide us to get what they wanted. We practice love and respect for one another by keeping each other first and doing our best to address the kids’ needs as a team.
Q: You also discuss the concept of women painting boundaries for men. Talk about that.
A: A woman has to tell a man how to treat her. If she allows cheating, abuse, or other demeaning behavior, she will suffer more pain than the offenses themselves might inflict. In the effort to cover the man she loves, a woman must be careful never to attempt to rescue a man from his own irresponsible behavior. She cannot take responsibility for things she’s not responsible for in an effort to relieve him. In other words, she needs healthy boundaries. She has to be clear where she ends and where he begins, because God made her to partner with him, but not to lose her own distinctions, dreams, and desires.
Q: In today's culture, when marriage is being redefined, why is a book like this important?
A: The biblical marriage relationship shows the wisdom of God by His design — two people who are similar, each in the image of God, yet dramatically different anatomically, chemically, relationally, and otherwise. The enemy attacks it because he hates the potential couples have to extend God’s glory and worship through the family. No other marriage arrangement, apart from the biblical model, promotes and sustains healthy love and the creation of life. Cover Him is important because it provides real clear insights and principles that lead to a strong, fulfilling, dynamic, God-honoring married life. The book is a resource to help people experience all the good God intended within His wise design of marriage.
A: As a father of four adult children and a husband of 28 years to my wife, Sheri, we always practiced putting each other’s needs before the kids. We never wanted each other to feel neglected. The kids, as youngsters and now as adults, are a welcome addition to the family. They’re super important. But God’s biblical principles for marriage consistently point to the husband and wife as the first priority. We’ve found that keeping each other as the priority actually fueled our children’s confidence and made home always feel like a safe place. It also made it clear that they could not divide us to get what they wanted. We practice love and respect for one another by keeping each other first and doing our best to address the kids’ needs as a team.
Q: You also discuss the concept of women painting boundaries for men. Talk about that.
A: A woman has to tell a man how to treat her. If she allows cheating, abuse, or other demeaning behavior, she will suffer more pain than the offenses themselves might inflict. In the effort to cover the man she loves, a woman must be careful never to attempt to rescue a man from his own irresponsible behavior. She cannot take responsibility for things she’s not responsible for in an effort to relieve him. In other words, she needs healthy boundaries. She has to be clear where she ends and where he begins, because God made her to partner with him, but not to lose her own distinctions, dreams, and desires.
Q: In today's culture, when marriage is being redefined, why is a book like this important?
A: The biblical marriage relationship shows the wisdom of God by His design — two people who are similar, each in the image of God, yet dramatically different anatomically, chemically, relationally, and otherwise. The enemy attacks it because he hates the potential couples have to extend God’s glory and worship through the family. No other marriage arrangement, apart from the biblical model, promotes and sustains healthy love and the creation of life. Cover Him is important because it provides real clear insights and principles that lead to a strong, fulfilling, dynamic, God-honoring married life. The book is a resource to help people experience all the good God intended within His wise design of marriage.
Endorsements for "Cover Him"
“Cover Him is spot on. It says all the things a man will very rarely say to a woman. It provides a deeper understanding into the heart of a man.”
--Anquan Boldin, 14-Year NFL Veteran, Q81 Foundation President
“Rod Hairston has written a timely and important book that will help close the relationship gaps between men and women in general and married couples in particular. Ladies, if you want to know how to bring out the best in the man you love, we joyfully recommend Cover Him to you.” — Benjamin and Kirsten Watson, 15-Year NFL Veteran
“Pastor Rod Hairston has a long history of studying the relationships between men and women through a biblical lens. His experience as a husband, father, pastor, NFL chaplain, counselor, and community leader enhances his insight and down to earth wisdom. Cover Him is written out of a desire to see healthy, respectful, joyful, helpful relationships flourish. After writing about the ways men should support and encourage women in Cover Her, Pastor Hairston turns the tables to write in practical, honest, gritty ways about the ways women can support and encourage men without losing their own dignity as children of God. If you are looking for common sense, real-world, no-beating-around-the-bush counsel, this book is for you. It is a clarion call for women to use their unique and God-given voices to speak truth and love to the men in their lives. It will provoke healthy conversations, describe healthy boundaries, and promote healthy male-female relationships. I strongly recommend it.”
— Jay Barnes, President, Bethel University
“Cover Him is practical and insightful. A clear and concise guide to understanding the needs of my husband, it has answered questions that I have had since getting married about how to love a man and bring out the best in him. I am thankful for a coaching guide that is honest and gives real, and very familiar, scenarios.”
--Dionne Boldin | 14-Year NFL Wife
“Cover Him is loaded with practical tools and words of wisdom that any woman can use to support the man or men in her life. Whether married or mothering sons, the principles in this book, when applied, will help chart the course to success for the men you love.” --Trina Jenkins, Director of Family Ministries, First Baptist Church of Glenarden (MD)
--Anquan Boldin, 14-Year NFL Veteran, Q81 Foundation President
“Rod Hairston has written a timely and important book that will help close the relationship gaps between men and women in general and married couples in particular. Ladies, if you want to know how to bring out the best in the man you love, we joyfully recommend Cover Him to you.” — Benjamin and Kirsten Watson, 15-Year NFL Veteran
“Pastor Rod Hairston has a long history of studying the relationships between men and women through a biblical lens. His experience as a husband, father, pastor, NFL chaplain, counselor, and community leader enhances his insight and down to earth wisdom. Cover Him is written out of a desire to see healthy, respectful, joyful, helpful relationships flourish. After writing about the ways men should support and encourage women in Cover Her, Pastor Hairston turns the tables to write in practical, honest, gritty ways about the ways women can support and encourage men without losing their own dignity as children of God. If you are looking for common sense, real-world, no-beating-around-the-bush counsel, this book is for you. It is a clarion call for women to use their unique and God-given voices to speak truth and love to the men in their lives. It will provoke healthy conversations, describe healthy boundaries, and promote healthy male-female relationships. I strongly recommend it.”
— Jay Barnes, President, Bethel University
“Cover Him is practical and insightful. A clear and concise guide to understanding the needs of my husband, it has answered questions that I have had since getting married about how to love a man and bring out the best in him. I am thankful for a coaching guide that is honest and gives real, and very familiar, scenarios.”
--Dionne Boldin | 14-Year NFL Wife
“Cover Him is loaded with practical tools and words of wisdom that any woman can use to support the man or men in her life. Whether married or mothering sons, the principles in this book, when applied, will help chart the course to success for the men you love.” --Trina Jenkins, Director of Family Ministries, First Baptist Church of Glenarden (MD)