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Q&A with Stacey Gagnon
Co-author of "Cowboy Joel and the Wild Wild West"
Q: What inspired your new children’s book?
A: I wrote a personal post on social media that went viral. It was about an experience I had with Joel in a new church. Through that post, I had lots of parents reach out to me about how to teach their child with differences to feel accepted. And for a long time, I honestly didn't know. It wasn't until I read a comment on this social media post that the answer struck me. The reader told me that my son would be stared at and pointed at and he needed to get used to it. At first, this comment made me angry, but then I started to see the kernel of truth in this statement. As hard as it is for me as his mother, this was going to be his reality. And as I thought deeper, I realized that on some level, we all have "differences" or things about ourselves that we do not like. When we are seeking acceptance and worth from others, it would always fall short. I understand that Joel must find his worth in who he is and how he was created. There will always be bullies, there will always be stares, there will always be those who seek to make him feel less than worthy; but Joel is exactly who he is supposed to be. He is a wonderfully smart and quick-witted boy, who loves Dodge Ram trucks, Legos and friends.
Q: What ages are best suited to read "Cowboy Joel" and what will they learn from the book?
A: My husband and I are both educators and we designed this book for elementary school students. We want children to hear this book and relate to Joel and BlackBeard. We think that most children can relate to being bullied or picked on by someone. As adults, who doesn't remember the playground or classroom bully? And as children, how many are truly capable of physically beating a bully? Our hope is that children learn that the biggest “El Maton” (bully, thug) they face is the voice that whispers incorrectly in their head "you are not special, you are not worthy, you are not valuable.”
Q: The characters in the book, Joel and Blackbeard, are actually named after your son and his pet dragon. Tell us about them.
A: Joel is 11 years old and in the 4th grade. Joel has Goldenhar syndrome, which is a big word that means he was born with incomplete development of his ear, soft palate, and facial bone structures. It only affects one side of his face and requires lots of doctor appointments and reconstructive surgeries. Joel is also deaf and has vision loss which means that he wears a hearing aid on his ear, a BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid) around his head, and also glasses. None of this equipment slows him down. He loves running, and reading books about trucks and construction. He plans to be a contractor when he grows up. BlackBeard is our pet dragon. He was adopted from the Phoenix Herpetological Society, which is like an orphanage for reptiles. While on a field trip, the reptile keeper asked my husband if he knew of a family that would adopt a special needs bearded dragon. This bearded dragon had a limb difference and he was being bullied and injured by the other bearded dragons. He needed a family that could keep him safe and would accept him for his differences. My husband knew right away that our family would be perfect for this lizard. So he brought home BlackBeard and he has been a perfect fit. BlackBeard loves staring contests, and sitting on your shoulder and going for rides. He is very talented at capturing crickets with his quick as lightning tongue.
A: I wrote a personal post on social media that went viral. It was about an experience I had with Joel in a new church. Through that post, I had lots of parents reach out to me about how to teach their child with differences to feel accepted. And for a long time, I honestly didn't know. It wasn't until I read a comment on this social media post that the answer struck me. The reader told me that my son would be stared at and pointed at and he needed to get used to it. At first, this comment made me angry, but then I started to see the kernel of truth in this statement. As hard as it is for me as his mother, this was going to be his reality. And as I thought deeper, I realized that on some level, we all have "differences" or things about ourselves that we do not like. When we are seeking acceptance and worth from others, it would always fall short. I understand that Joel must find his worth in who he is and how he was created. There will always be bullies, there will always be stares, there will always be those who seek to make him feel less than worthy; but Joel is exactly who he is supposed to be. He is a wonderfully smart and quick-witted boy, who loves Dodge Ram trucks, Legos and friends.
Q: What ages are best suited to read "Cowboy Joel" and what will they learn from the book?
A: My husband and I are both educators and we designed this book for elementary school students. We want children to hear this book and relate to Joel and BlackBeard. We think that most children can relate to being bullied or picked on by someone. As adults, who doesn't remember the playground or classroom bully? And as children, how many are truly capable of physically beating a bully? Our hope is that children learn that the biggest “El Maton” (bully, thug) they face is the voice that whispers incorrectly in their head "you are not special, you are not worthy, you are not valuable.”
Q: The characters in the book, Joel and Blackbeard, are actually named after your son and his pet dragon. Tell us about them.
A: Joel is 11 years old and in the 4th grade. Joel has Goldenhar syndrome, which is a big word that means he was born with incomplete development of his ear, soft palate, and facial bone structures. It only affects one side of his face and requires lots of doctor appointments and reconstructive surgeries. Joel is also deaf and has vision loss which means that he wears a hearing aid on his ear, a BAHA (bone anchored hearing aid) around his head, and also glasses. None of this equipment slows him down. He loves running, and reading books about trucks and construction. He plans to be a contractor when he grows up. BlackBeard is our pet dragon. He was adopted from the Phoenix Herpetological Society, which is like an orphanage for reptiles. While on a field trip, the reptile keeper asked my husband if he knew of a family that would adopt a special needs bearded dragon. This bearded dragon had a limb difference and he was being bullied and injured by the other bearded dragons. He needed a family that could keep him safe and would accept him for his differences. My husband knew right away that our family would be perfect for this lizard. So he brought home BlackBeard and he has been a perfect fit. BlackBeard loves staring contests, and sitting on your shoulder and going for rides. He is very talented at capturing crickets with his quick as lightning tongue.
Q: Talk about your family's journey into adoption and especially your motivation to adopt kids with special needs.
A: It was not our initial intention to adopt. We felt that there was a huge need in the foster care system and we could share our love and family with other children. Our second foster placement was a medically-fragile child and, from that point on, we became known as the family that took in hard-to-place kids. After a child has lived with you for months on end and they start calling you mom and dad, it's not such a big leap to thinking they should stay forever. What we have learned over the years, is that every adoption is a special needs adoption. Kids who come into our home all come with hurts and pains that require special care. These emotional wounds can be far more disabling that any physical "special need" with which they may be labeled. At the end of the day, we have adopted children who come with a variety of backgrounds that meld beautifully in our family. Where one child might struggle, we find a brother or sister stepping in to lend a hand...or a leg...or an ear. The differences are not so apparent when you have family. We all seem to help fill the voids in each other.
Q: Tell us about Lost Sparrows.
A: Lost Sparrows is a non-profit that is working to help end the orphan crisis; especially in regards to children with special needs. We are looking to provide family; by supporting and equipping mothers and fathers in bringing home their special needs babies while also supporting foster care or adoption when this is not possible. Children need to be raised in families, not within buildings. Lost Sparrows provides trainings in infant/toddler mental health to orphanage staff, administration officials, and those who work with vulnerable populations. We also give support and training to foster/adopt families, specialists, crisis pregnancy centers and orphanage caregivers who are working with children with trauma backgrounds. This past year we had opportunity to train hundreds of caregivers, foster families and parents across Bulgaria, Bosnia and Russia. We are already scheduled to return to all three countries next year to provide continued support. In the Bible, the sparrow represented the lowliest of common creatures God created. Yet time and time again, we are reminded that God is so active and caring that not even a sparrow is lost without Him knowing.
Q: What are some of the most common misconceptions people have about adoption and foster care?
A: We mistakenly believe that children see or experience hard things, and they just bounce back or forget. My husband and I teach about children and trauma. Children are not resilient, their brains are malleable. This means that they are affected by adult choices and decisions. Adoption and foster care is about giving a child a family, not getting a child for your family. It is hard work and scary, but it has been the greatest journey of our lives, filled with such beauty. For that reason, we continue to foster kids, and we didn't stop at adopting just one child.
A: It was not our initial intention to adopt. We felt that there was a huge need in the foster care system and we could share our love and family with other children. Our second foster placement was a medically-fragile child and, from that point on, we became known as the family that took in hard-to-place kids. After a child has lived with you for months on end and they start calling you mom and dad, it's not such a big leap to thinking they should stay forever. What we have learned over the years, is that every adoption is a special needs adoption. Kids who come into our home all come with hurts and pains that require special care. These emotional wounds can be far more disabling that any physical "special need" with which they may be labeled. At the end of the day, we have adopted children who come with a variety of backgrounds that meld beautifully in our family. Where one child might struggle, we find a brother or sister stepping in to lend a hand...or a leg...or an ear. The differences are not so apparent when you have family. We all seem to help fill the voids in each other.
Q: Tell us about Lost Sparrows.
A: Lost Sparrows is a non-profit that is working to help end the orphan crisis; especially in regards to children with special needs. We are looking to provide family; by supporting and equipping mothers and fathers in bringing home their special needs babies while also supporting foster care or adoption when this is not possible. Children need to be raised in families, not within buildings. Lost Sparrows provides trainings in infant/toddler mental health to orphanage staff, administration officials, and those who work with vulnerable populations. We also give support and training to foster/adopt families, specialists, crisis pregnancy centers and orphanage caregivers who are working with children with trauma backgrounds. This past year we had opportunity to train hundreds of caregivers, foster families and parents across Bulgaria, Bosnia and Russia. We are already scheduled to return to all three countries next year to provide continued support. In the Bible, the sparrow represented the lowliest of common creatures God created. Yet time and time again, we are reminded that God is so active and caring that not even a sparrow is lost without Him knowing.
Q: What are some of the most common misconceptions people have about adoption and foster care?
A: We mistakenly believe that children see or experience hard things, and they just bounce back or forget. My husband and I teach about children and trauma. Children are not resilient, their brains are malleable. This means that they are affected by adult choices and decisions. Adoption and foster care is about giving a child a family, not getting a child for your family. It is hard work and scary, but it has been the greatest journey of our lives, filled with such beauty. For that reason, we continue to foster kids, and we didn't stop at adopting just one child.
Q: What have you learned about yourselves and about God that you didn't know before you started this journey?
A: In all honesty, I have my own El Maton. I fear that I will not be “enough.” A voice whispers this to me when I feel low, and fear can sound very convincing. I am a hot mess mom of 9 kids (two foster babies) who just this week found a mouse in her van. Laundry and dishes are always overflowing and there are days I lose my cool and hide in my closet to eat a stash of chocolate that I've hidden from my children. I don't like kale...unless it's serving as a green bed for my onion rings. I only buy clothes I don't need to iron, and when I collapse in bed at night I'm wearing sexy sweatpants and a stretched out t-shirt from my college days. I'm scared that I'm not enough. Just like other moms, I hope I don't fall short. Years ago, I hit a very low point where I realized I couldn't do everything for my kids. I could not keep up with the sports and the school and the house and the job. It was then that I realized I should have never placed myself in a position that I was everything. I started to strive for being enough as a mother. I'd show up and love my kids fiercely and know that I could never be or do everything. And there is the freedom. I've stopped trying to be something I could never achieve in the first place. I've learned to watch my children fill in the spaces of need through a family unit, and they seem to be doing pretty darn good. But best of all, I've learned I am enough...mouse-in-the-van and all. God has made me to be "just enough" because anything more and they might not see the need for Him.
A: In all honesty, I have my own El Maton. I fear that I will not be “enough.” A voice whispers this to me when I feel low, and fear can sound very convincing. I am a hot mess mom of 9 kids (two foster babies) who just this week found a mouse in her van. Laundry and dishes are always overflowing and there are days I lose my cool and hide in my closet to eat a stash of chocolate that I've hidden from my children. I don't like kale...unless it's serving as a green bed for my onion rings. I only buy clothes I don't need to iron, and when I collapse in bed at night I'm wearing sexy sweatpants and a stretched out t-shirt from my college days. I'm scared that I'm not enough. Just like other moms, I hope I don't fall short. Years ago, I hit a very low point where I realized I couldn't do everything for my kids. I could not keep up with the sports and the school and the house and the job. It was then that I realized I should have never placed myself in a position that I was everything. I started to strive for being enough as a mother. I'd show up and love my kids fiercely and know that I could never be or do everything. And there is the freedom. I've stopped trying to be something I could never achieve in the first place. I've learned to watch my children fill in the spaces of need through a family unit, and they seem to be doing pretty darn good. But best of all, I've learned I am enough...mouse-in-the-van and all. God has made me to be "just enough" because anything more and they might not see the need for Him.
About the Gagnon family:
The Gagnon family is an atypical, hodgepodge mix of humanity. The entire family enjoyed writing this book, with each one contributing their own input. Every child in the family has their own special story, and every one faces their own unique challenges. Stacey, the mom of this bunch, also has a blog called Ransom for Israel. She presents an honest assessment of the orphan crisis and the desperate need for families willing to adopt. After the adoption of their youngest daughter, the Gagnons started a non-profit called Lost Sparrows. Lost Sparrows is dedicated to improving the lives of orphans and those with special needs through education, proper medical care, and adoption. Their current focus is in areas of Eastern Europe and Bulgaria.
Endorsements:
“I loved the message in the story about being brave. Oftentimes children, as well as adults, do not realize the impact we are making when we stare at others that may ‘look’ different than we do, or use unkind words to mock and hurt them. I look forward to reading this story to my kindergarten students and explaining to them that we are all the same, no matter what our differences are, and that we need to be kind and treat others the way we want to be treated.” --Lisa Fuller, B.S. Early Childhood Education, Kindergarten Teacher
“Cowboy Joel and the Wild Wild West is a great book about overcoming the everyday fear of being different and of bullies. The great balance of wit and bravery displayed by Joel and his sidekick Blackbeard teaches kids that it is not only okay to be different, but everyone has something special that makes them an individual.” --Jessica Vocca, M.Ed Educational Administration, Principal, Dr. Daniel Bright School
"When a thrilling imagination meets the sturdy virtues of moral character, what you have is more than a book; you have a tool to shape and sharpen the next generation. Cowboy Joel provides the charm, intrigue, and spirit to capture any child's attention while subtly weaving in the principles needed to strengthen every heart." --James Joiner, Ph.D. Senior Lecturer in Philosophy, Northern Arizona University
"Cowboy Joel and the Wild, Wild West is the perfect book to liven up a classroom and pique the interests of a young mind. As a long-time primary school teacher, I would place this at the top of the list for any teacher or parent wanting to help kids navigate the very real challenges they face." --Rachel Joiner, Primary School Teacher
“More than a fun read, this book is an excellent resource. Parents and kids will be delighted by hilarious story, old west vocabulary and timeless message. As a children’s pastor, I crave books like this both to help kids embrace their own value and to help them see the value in someone who is physically or mentally different from them. This book really is a discipleship tool.” — Cole Dulas, Children’s Pastor
“Thanks, Cowboy Joel and Blackbeard, for teaching us that the truth is more powerful than lies. We can be brave in the face of adversity and stand up for what’s right. It’s also important to have friends in our lives who can encourage us and speak truth.” — Jared and Darla, homeschool parents
“I liked the part where the lizard told Cowboy Joel he could be brave. It made me very happy. I want to be brave like Cowboy Joel.”— Kellen, age 6
“Cowboy Joel and the Wild Wild West is a great book about overcoming the everyday fear of being different and of bullies. The great balance of wit and bravery displayed by Joel and his sidekick Blackbeard teaches kids that it is not only okay to be different, but everyone has something special that makes them an individual.” --Jessica Vocca, M.Ed Educational Administration, Principal, Dr. Daniel Bright School
"When a thrilling imagination meets the sturdy virtues of moral character, what you have is more than a book; you have a tool to shape and sharpen the next generation. Cowboy Joel provides the charm, intrigue, and spirit to capture any child's attention while subtly weaving in the principles needed to strengthen every heart." --James Joiner, Ph.D. Senior Lecturer in Philosophy, Northern Arizona University
"Cowboy Joel and the Wild, Wild West is the perfect book to liven up a classroom and pique the interests of a young mind. As a long-time primary school teacher, I would place this at the top of the list for any teacher or parent wanting to help kids navigate the very real challenges they face." --Rachel Joiner, Primary School Teacher
“More than a fun read, this book is an excellent resource. Parents and kids will be delighted by hilarious story, old west vocabulary and timeless message. As a children’s pastor, I crave books like this both to help kids embrace their own value and to help them see the value in someone who is physically or mentally different from them. This book really is a discipleship tool.” — Cole Dulas, Children’s Pastor
“Thanks, Cowboy Joel and Blackbeard, for teaching us that the truth is more powerful than lies. We can be brave in the face of adversity and stand up for what’s right. It’s also important to have friends in our lives who can encourage us and speak truth.” — Jared and Darla, homeschool parents
“I liked the part where the lizard told Cowboy Joel he could be brave. It made me very happy. I want to be brave like Cowboy Joel.”— Kellen, age 6