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Dr. Waterbury shares her story of abuse and sexual sin
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"Reap What You Sew" documentary trailer
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Q&A with Dr. Deborah Waterbury
Q: You are very open about your life in this new book. What compelled you to share your full story?
A: That’s an interesting question, since before I wrote this book, I would have told anyone that I had already been very transparent about my life up until this point. And I suppose I had been. What I had not done, however, was connect the dots. When that final plate came crashing down some fifteen years ago and my world spun completely out of control, I was no longer in control. That was a good thing, though I certainly didn’t know it at the time. Consequently, I learned afterward that once my skeletons were out of the proverbial closet, it was nice not to have any more in there. Eventually I also learned that just having those skeletons lying around was kind of useless unless I used them for something, and what better thing to use them for than the advancement of the Kingdom of God? So that’s what I have tried to do—use my skeletons by being transparent about my past. What happened recently, however, was that my publicist asked me to write out my testimony since she couldn’t seem to find it in one place. I speak and write and counsel openly about anything and everything that’s happened to me, but nothing was all together in a neat, concise testimony. Once I did that, it was like a final gear clicked into place. All of my skeletons—the rape, the men, the alcohol—all of it originated with the lies the Enemy propagated about who I was so that I wouldn’t live in the truth of my actual identity. I realized that if I was going to make the most of using my skeletons and truly engage in Kingdom work, then I was going to have to really tell my story. And that meant all of it.
Q: How did you come to identify the five lies that you believed?
A: As with anything we need when it comes to revelation from God, I was able to identify these five lies through prayer. As I began to write it all out, it became obvious to me that the issue at stake here was one of identity. The beautiful thing about this for me was that the Lord had long ago begun my ministry journey as one of identity in Christ. The ministry I began back in 2007 is called Love Everlasting Ministries. It is a ministry based on our relationship to Jesus as our Savior and as our Bridegroom, founded on knowing Him and identifying ourselves to Him as this intimate Lover of our souls.
When my world came crashing down around my feet some fifteen years ago because of my own life of sin, Jesus met me right in the middle of that sin and heartache, and His only words to me were words of love and forgiveness. Once I came to know the wonderful truth of who I was in Him, the only thing I wanted to do was share that truth with as many women as I could find. Of course, it made complete sense that our identity as that loved and adored bride of Christ would be the identity that Satan would attack from the time we are young. When I wrote out my testimony, starting with the rape when I was twelve and saw the lies he told me about who I was as opposed to who I know I actually am, exposing those lies became the only thing I could think to do. Writing The Lies that Bind was the result.
A: That’s an interesting question, since before I wrote this book, I would have told anyone that I had already been very transparent about my life up until this point. And I suppose I had been. What I had not done, however, was connect the dots. When that final plate came crashing down some fifteen years ago and my world spun completely out of control, I was no longer in control. That was a good thing, though I certainly didn’t know it at the time. Consequently, I learned afterward that once my skeletons were out of the proverbial closet, it was nice not to have any more in there. Eventually I also learned that just having those skeletons lying around was kind of useless unless I used them for something, and what better thing to use them for than the advancement of the Kingdom of God? So that’s what I have tried to do—use my skeletons by being transparent about my past. What happened recently, however, was that my publicist asked me to write out my testimony since she couldn’t seem to find it in one place. I speak and write and counsel openly about anything and everything that’s happened to me, but nothing was all together in a neat, concise testimony. Once I did that, it was like a final gear clicked into place. All of my skeletons—the rape, the men, the alcohol—all of it originated with the lies the Enemy propagated about who I was so that I wouldn’t live in the truth of my actual identity. I realized that if I was going to make the most of using my skeletons and truly engage in Kingdom work, then I was going to have to really tell my story. And that meant all of it.
Q: How did you come to identify the five lies that you believed?
A: As with anything we need when it comes to revelation from God, I was able to identify these five lies through prayer. As I began to write it all out, it became obvious to me that the issue at stake here was one of identity. The beautiful thing about this for me was that the Lord had long ago begun my ministry journey as one of identity in Christ. The ministry I began back in 2007 is called Love Everlasting Ministries. It is a ministry based on our relationship to Jesus as our Savior and as our Bridegroom, founded on knowing Him and identifying ourselves to Him as this intimate Lover of our souls.
When my world came crashing down around my feet some fifteen years ago because of my own life of sin, Jesus met me right in the middle of that sin and heartache, and His only words to me were words of love and forgiveness. Once I came to know the wonderful truth of who I was in Him, the only thing I wanted to do was share that truth with as many women as I could find. Of course, it made complete sense that our identity as that loved and adored bride of Christ would be the identity that Satan would attack from the time we are young. When I wrote out my testimony, starting with the rape when I was twelve and saw the lies he told me about who I was as opposed to who I know I actually am, exposing those lies became the only thing I could think to do. Writing The Lies that Bind was the result.
Q: What makes these lies so deceptive, even to Christians?
A: They’re insidious. I used the example in the book of a compass that’s slightly skewed from true north. If you are in the woods and are following a compass that is just slightly off from true north, let’s say only a tenth of a degree, you may not notice it at first. As a matter of fact, you may travel for many miles without noticing that you have gone far off course, all because your compass is only slightly off. That’s what Satan likes to do. He doesn’t come at Christians with bold untruths. He points us to things that are slightly wrong, only a little off, so that by the time we realize we have been lied to, we’ve gone many miles, or many years, and the damage is extensive. The identity lies the Enemy tells are most often told to the young and they are most often told through the things done to them. These lies shape who they think they are and what they think about themselves. These lies are subtle, and though the magnificent truth of who we are in Christ begins the nanosecond we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior far in a way supersedes those lies, we often times cannot see that truth.
Q: What advice would you give to those who, like you, had all their lies exposed in a public way?
A: In the first moments, just breathe. If you’ve been spinning fourteen plates and they’ve all crashed, then breathe. For the first time in however long it’s been, there are no more lies. You don’t have to spin a tale, remember who you’ve told what to, or figure out what you are going to cover next. As weird as it may seem, there is a modicum of freedom for the next few minutes that you haven’t been able to experience for a long time. Whether you believe it or not at the moment of the crash, those first minutes are a blessing. You will thank God for them, eventually. Once you are past the initial stage of shock and awe, do everything in your power to not be your own advocate. If the sin is yours, then your instinct is going to be to defend yourself. Don’t. Sin is sin. Own up to it. Ask for forgiveness from God and anyone else you sinned against and then let it be. Any attempt you make at personal defense only lessens the beauty of what God will do on your behalf eventually. His work is always so much better than ours. I remember being so hurt by the things others were saying about me after my final affair went global. Ninety-nine percent of the rumors weren’t true. I was praying about them one day, asking God why I had to let all of that gossip go unanswered. I heard Him very clearly answer in my head, “Deb, what you did was bad enough. What you didn’t do is inconsequential.” Ouch, but true. Sin is ultimately against God, not man, so any sin is an affront to Him. Therefore, defending ourselves in the face of sin is kind of silly.
And finally, look up before you look out. As humans, we have a tendency to go to everyone we can think of before we go to God. We go to our friends, our pastors, our siblings, anyone we can think of, and when we have exhausted all other possibilities, we get on our knees and ask God to help us. He patiently smiles at us, watching us call people, talk to others, and pour out our hearts, all the while He’s loving us right there. Talk to your Father first. Cry out to your Savior. It is there that you will find what you need. Then move out to your church and to the fellowship of believers in your community. Above all, do not go it alone. Alone is where the Enemy would have you stay, and remember, more than likely, that’s what got you into the cycle of lies in the first place.
A: They’re insidious. I used the example in the book of a compass that’s slightly skewed from true north. If you are in the woods and are following a compass that is just slightly off from true north, let’s say only a tenth of a degree, you may not notice it at first. As a matter of fact, you may travel for many miles without noticing that you have gone far off course, all because your compass is only slightly off. That’s what Satan likes to do. He doesn’t come at Christians with bold untruths. He points us to things that are slightly wrong, only a little off, so that by the time we realize we have been lied to, we’ve gone many miles, or many years, and the damage is extensive. The identity lies the Enemy tells are most often told to the young and they are most often told through the things done to them. These lies shape who they think they are and what they think about themselves. These lies are subtle, and though the magnificent truth of who we are in Christ begins the nanosecond we accept Jesus Christ as our Savior far in a way supersedes those lies, we often times cannot see that truth.
Q: What advice would you give to those who, like you, had all their lies exposed in a public way?
A: In the first moments, just breathe. If you’ve been spinning fourteen plates and they’ve all crashed, then breathe. For the first time in however long it’s been, there are no more lies. You don’t have to spin a tale, remember who you’ve told what to, or figure out what you are going to cover next. As weird as it may seem, there is a modicum of freedom for the next few minutes that you haven’t been able to experience for a long time. Whether you believe it or not at the moment of the crash, those first minutes are a blessing. You will thank God for them, eventually. Once you are past the initial stage of shock and awe, do everything in your power to not be your own advocate. If the sin is yours, then your instinct is going to be to defend yourself. Don’t. Sin is sin. Own up to it. Ask for forgiveness from God and anyone else you sinned against and then let it be. Any attempt you make at personal defense only lessens the beauty of what God will do on your behalf eventually. His work is always so much better than ours. I remember being so hurt by the things others were saying about me after my final affair went global. Ninety-nine percent of the rumors weren’t true. I was praying about them one day, asking God why I had to let all of that gossip go unanswered. I heard Him very clearly answer in my head, “Deb, what you did was bad enough. What you didn’t do is inconsequential.” Ouch, but true. Sin is ultimately against God, not man, so any sin is an affront to Him. Therefore, defending ourselves in the face of sin is kind of silly.
And finally, look up before you look out. As humans, we have a tendency to go to everyone we can think of before we go to God. We go to our friends, our pastors, our siblings, anyone we can think of, and when we have exhausted all other possibilities, we get on our knees and ask God to help us. He patiently smiles at us, watching us call people, talk to others, and pour out our hearts, all the while He’s loving us right there. Talk to your Father first. Cry out to your Savior. It is there that you will find what you need. Then move out to your church and to the fellowship of believers in your community. Above all, do not go it alone. Alone is where the Enemy would have you stay, and remember, more than likely, that’s what got you into the cycle of lies in the first place.
Dr. Deb at the graduation for Reap What You Sew
Q: Talk about your “Reap What You Sew” school and how that came about.
A: I have been traveling to countries in Africa to speak to the women there for about six years. Depending on the event, the crowds range from a couple hundred women to over a thousand, and often those conferences are attended by women coming for miles from surrounding villages. They bring their children with them, because meals are included with these conferences. The women attending will be fed breakfast, lunch, and dinner, all paid for by the local sponsor church. This will be the most food many of these women and their children will see in months, but it is a great expense to the host church. Still, this food is always offered because the pastors of those churches know firsthand the plight of the women in their countries.
About three years ago at the end of a regional women’s conference in Blantyre, Malawi, Augustine Mgala, the pastor of Agape Life International, came to see me at my hotel before I was set to return to the States. He and his wife, Priscilla, now pastor 102 churches in Malawi, Zambia, and Mozambique. They are tremendous servants of God, and I trust them implicitly. Augustine and I were enjoying some prayer time together when he suddenly stopped and took both of my hands in his. He looked into my eyes and said, “Debbie, we love you. We love the rich food you give our ladies every time you come here. But I need you to pray about something. I need your help in teaching these women how to practically take care of themselves.”
He went on to say, “Malawi is a poor country. It was largely decimated by the AIDS epidemic, and now we are the second poorest country in the world. Hunger and poverty have left us not only with thousands of orphans to feed, but thousands of women left to take care of the children. These women have no skills and no way to provide for themselves and their children. I would like you to pray about how Love Everlasting Ministries might help the women here both spiritually and physically.”
In the summer of 2016, I had the occasion to meet a lovely woman from Kenya. She began telling me of a ministry she was about to go and start in her home village outside of Nairobi. I listened out of courtesy to a fellow minister when almost literally, thunder clapped in my head. She was telling me of a tailoring school she wished to begin in her village for widows and destitute women, and I heard a voice in my head almost scream, “This is it! This is what I have for you to do for the women you love so much in Africa!” Of course, I began listening more attentively to my new Kenyan friend, even as I silently asked, “Are you sure, Lord? I don’t even know how to sew! How can I start a school to teach sewing?” But isn’t that just like God? He will be in control and He will receive the glory. I spoke to Augustine the next month in person, and when I told him about the idea, he began crying immediately. His first words were, “This is it!”
In just two years, 17 out of 19 students have begun their own businesses and are lifting their families out of poverty. Two students had babies, but we anticipate they will start their businesses as well. Some women have had bank accounts for the first time in their lives. It is a 6-month program where the women are given training on tailoring by a qualified seamstress, as well as four weeks of business training. At the end of the 6 months, each graduate will receive the machine she has been sewing on, as well as enough fabric and thread to begin her own tailoring business. We stay committed to each graduate for 6 months following her course completion so that we can help her get her feet on the ground with her new business. We are so exited about the documentary coming out on the school, and we are hoping it helps us fund many more schools in the neediest parts of Africa.
A: I have been traveling to countries in Africa to speak to the women there for about six years. Depending on the event, the crowds range from a couple hundred women to over a thousand, and often those conferences are attended by women coming for miles from surrounding villages. They bring their children with them, because meals are included with these conferences. The women attending will be fed breakfast, lunch, and dinner, all paid for by the local sponsor church. This will be the most food many of these women and their children will see in months, but it is a great expense to the host church. Still, this food is always offered because the pastors of those churches know firsthand the plight of the women in their countries.
About three years ago at the end of a regional women’s conference in Blantyre, Malawi, Augustine Mgala, the pastor of Agape Life International, came to see me at my hotel before I was set to return to the States. He and his wife, Priscilla, now pastor 102 churches in Malawi, Zambia, and Mozambique. They are tremendous servants of God, and I trust them implicitly. Augustine and I were enjoying some prayer time together when he suddenly stopped and took both of my hands in his. He looked into my eyes and said, “Debbie, we love you. We love the rich food you give our ladies every time you come here. But I need you to pray about something. I need your help in teaching these women how to practically take care of themselves.”
He went on to say, “Malawi is a poor country. It was largely decimated by the AIDS epidemic, and now we are the second poorest country in the world. Hunger and poverty have left us not only with thousands of orphans to feed, but thousands of women left to take care of the children. These women have no skills and no way to provide for themselves and their children. I would like you to pray about how Love Everlasting Ministries might help the women here both spiritually and physically.”
In the summer of 2016, I had the occasion to meet a lovely woman from Kenya. She began telling me of a ministry she was about to go and start in her home village outside of Nairobi. I listened out of courtesy to a fellow minister when almost literally, thunder clapped in my head. She was telling me of a tailoring school she wished to begin in her village for widows and destitute women, and I heard a voice in my head almost scream, “This is it! This is what I have for you to do for the women you love so much in Africa!” Of course, I began listening more attentively to my new Kenyan friend, even as I silently asked, “Are you sure, Lord? I don’t even know how to sew! How can I start a school to teach sewing?” But isn’t that just like God? He will be in control and He will receive the glory. I spoke to Augustine the next month in person, and when I told him about the idea, he began crying immediately. His first words were, “This is it!”
In just two years, 17 out of 19 students have begun their own businesses and are lifting their families out of poverty. Two students had babies, but we anticipate they will start their businesses as well. Some women have had bank accounts for the first time in their lives. It is a 6-month program where the women are given training on tailoring by a qualified seamstress, as well as four weeks of business training. At the end of the 6 months, each graduate will receive the machine she has been sewing on, as well as enough fabric and thread to begin her own tailoring business. We stay committed to each graduate for 6 months following her course completion so that we can help her get her feet on the ground with her new business. We are so exited about the documentary coming out on the school, and we are hoping it helps us fund many more schools in the neediest parts of Africa.
About Dr. Deborah Waterbury:
Dr. Deborah Waterbury is the founder of the “Reap What You Sew” school in Malawi, Africa which offers tailoring and business training to widows and destitute women living in one of the poorest countries in the world. A new documentary about her school has aired on two national television networks, and recently won the INDIEfest Film Festival Award of Recognition. She hosts the video and audio shows "Real Life with Deb Waterbury" and "Get Real with Deb Waterbury," and has been featured on media outlets such as The 700 Club, Campus Crusades for Christ radio, Charisma magazine, iBelieve.com, Leading Hearts magazine, among many others. She has authored nine books, including her latest, “The Lies that Bind: And the Truth that Sets You Free.” Dr. Waterbury holds a Masters in the Art of Teaching from Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, Arizona, and acquired her Doctorate of Ministry in Biblical Expository Studies from Pillsbury Seminary in St. Louis, Missouri. She currently resides in Tucson, Arizona, with her husband, Jeff, a Lt. Colonel in the Air National Guard. For more information, visit http://www.DebWaterbury.com
Dr. Deborah Waterbury is the founder of the “Reap What You Sew” school in Malawi, Africa which offers tailoring and business training to widows and destitute women living in one of the poorest countries in the world. A new documentary about her school has aired on two national television networks, and recently won the INDIEfest Film Festival Award of Recognition. She hosts the video and audio shows "Real Life with Deb Waterbury" and "Get Real with Deb Waterbury," and has been featured on media outlets such as The 700 Club, Campus Crusades for Christ radio, Charisma magazine, iBelieve.com, Leading Hearts magazine, among many others. She has authored nine books, including her latest, “The Lies that Bind: And the Truth that Sets You Free.” Dr. Waterbury holds a Masters in the Art of Teaching from Grand Canyon University in Phoenix, Arizona, and acquired her Doctorate of Ministry in Biblical Expository Studies from Pillsbury Seminary in St. Louis, Missouri. She currently resides in Tucson, Arizona, with her husband, Jeff, a Lt. Colonel in the Air National Guard. For more information, visit http://www.DebWaterbury.com